Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt Update

One month in.

I’ve never paid this much attention to my menstrual cycle. I’m finding it quite eye opening. Part of it is about deciphering whether a mood is as result of outside forces (life/Covid/work/parenting) or influenced by hormones and impacting my responses to those outside forces. Part of it is realizing how much my sleep, or lack thereof, is both impacted by perimenopause and impacts my moods. Frankly, it all has me appreciating just how much we women can get done with all this happening to our bodies.

The project itself involves 5-10 minutes of sewing at the end of the day. After the kids go to bed and before I sit down with my husband I stitch up the block. Pain? Mood? Any flow? What about all that other random stuff? Pain (associated with my cycle only, not my back pain) is a strike through the center of the vagina representation. The background is the mood. The center is about flow or not flow. Orange bits account for the night time stuff (sweats and dreams) or bowel, breast, or other things. In the first month I marked my Covid vaccine. In this second month I marked my restart of iron supplements for anemia. Each night I post the block and quick summary on my Instagram stories. #perimenipausechroniclequilt

I am wildly curious to see consistencies and changes over the year. Sure, I could use an app like my teenage daughter, but this visual representation is very appealing to me. Here is the legend I am using.

Only one person has criticized me for the project, for sharing too much information. While I get that - this is a lot for me to be sharing, I’m sure my teenage nephews that follow me love it - I really do believe that it is important to be open in this conversation. After I first announced the project I received so many positive emails from women of all ages. I really appreciate every comment, it adds to the conversation. If the emails and comments are any indication, we need to have more and more conversations.

54 -10 = 44

Today is my birthday. 44 trips around the sun.

Because I have a love of alliteration I have a special affinity for this particular year. I suppose that means I like all years that are multiples of 11. Perhaps there is a meaning to that in numerology?

Regardless of both my birthday and whatever that numerology may mean, I’ve been thinking about my Quilts Under Construction list this week. So far in 2019 I’ve finished two quilts, a handful of quilt tops, and just have the binding to do on another. Miraculously, I’ve only actually started one quilt and it is already a finished top. Every day I sew, it’s just that it takes awhile to see progress the way I do it - 30 minutes a day, if I’m lucky and small piecing of late.

Morning tea in hand, I double checked my master list of Quilts Under Construction. It stands at 54, as of today. Even with those finishes I mentioned above. It isn’t that the number upsets me, it’s that I actually do want to finish some quilts. I want the excitement that comes with burying the last threads from quilting or the peace of hand stitching the binding. I want to live with these quilts, not just the creative outlet.

So, as of today - my birthday - I am stating the goal that I want to make this list down to 44 by next year. It seems doable. There are a lot of projects on there that I am still so excited to work on! A few small ones to round out some epic projects, some ones that have been around forever and deserve their day in the sun. And, my Bernina just came back from a trip to the spa so some quilting is in order.

But first, cake. Then assembling those blocks behind me into a quilt top. And washing the floors so I can baste a quilt or two. I did want to research lights for filming video this week. Oh wait, I have to take my son to ballet today too.

10 finished quilts this year. Hold me to it, alright?

Adventure - A Quilt for Not a Book

Adventure

36'' x 42''

My husband defines the distinction between an excursion and an adventure as this: When you go on an excursion everyone makes it back. When you go on an adventure, somebody or something doesn't survive the trip. He is morbid and sarcastic, that man. 

This quilt is definitely an adventure.

A few years ago I had an idea for a book. I was fresh off the publication of You Inspire Me to Quilt, still riding high. Over bourbon on the best patio over I sat down with an industry friend, a good colleague, and we were brainstorming ideas for my next book. We both got really excited about one particular idea. It was stellar. Or maybe it was the bourbon talking?

Nope, it's still a pretty good idea. Unfortunately, my publisher did not necessarily agree. Even though I've published three books I can't just throw an idea at them and have them send a contract my way immediately. So I took a few months to flesh it out. Because of the nature of the concept this required more time than I usually need at this stage. A book proposal is necessarily detailed as it is - table of contents, sample chapter, and quilt examples all required - but this one needed even more to get the concept across. I got all this together and then they came back with a request for an actual quilt to see the concept in action.

Sigh. 

Sure, okay. I went right to it. Got the quilt top all made, got it basted, then stopped. Life got busy. And it's never really stopped. No excuse, because I've made other quilts in the meantime. But the mojo slipped away after the initial burst of work. Then the reality of whether I truly had the time to actually write another book sunk in. I did not. Not for about 2 years there. I so desperately wanted to, but unless I became both a) suddenly flush with cash and b) able to function on zero sleep for months at a time it wasn't going to happen.

I won't lie, I shed some tears over this. Frustrated and annoyed at the position I was in - even though I put myself in that exact position - I wallowed for a bit. I got depressed seeing the success of others in the industry via social media, jealous even. It was ugly and mean spirited on my part, to be perfectly honest. And that is before I beat myself up on the regular about it all.

Not sure how exactly, but gaining some perspective changed everything. At some point I took stock of my own successes and felt proud. I started to play my own game. I saw all the freelance, short burst writing I was doing as practice for everything else. My schedule, or at least my approach to it, allowed for more time. So I re-pitched the book concept. 

Shot down again.

This time though I decided the quilt I'd started needed to not languish on the closet shelf. Up there it mocked me, made me feel like a failure. It was time to reclaim that part of my creative history. At worst, it becomes another story to tell at a trunk show (or on a blog). At best, it becomes a cool quilt gifted to a beautiful baby. So here it is. 

This quilt went on a creative adventure. The book never came back alive, but that's okay. The journey was still worth it. And who knows, that concept hasn't died entirely...

Quilt Details:

-  Fabric is a couple of Mini Charm packs of Carolyn Friedlander Doe mixed with her curated selection of Kona cottons. It was a give away from Quilt Market a few years back. The background is Essex Linen.

- Backing is also from Doe.

- Binding is Carolyn's crosshatch in this amazing green. I wish I could find more.

- Quilted with a pale yellow from Aurifil in straight lines changing directions. There were a million knots to bury with the quilting pattern I chose, but I do love the end result.

2018 Let's Do This!

That annual moment where we look forward to all that we want to do. I'm realizing that, professionally, I can be like the January gym rat. Full of ideas and ambition, then life and laziness and chocolate take over. 

Last year I had similar thoughts, but it took me a while to put my finger on it exactly. I never set annual goals for 2017. Instead, I sat down on the first of each month and did an aspirational task list. Finish this particular quilt, query a manuscript so many times, catch up on Financials, that sort of thing. To do lists are awesome! Doing this allowed me to keep our family life in greater perspective.

I'll be honest, I don't put much credence into the term work/life balance. I don't like the implication that it is a seesaw. That balance somehow means stasis or that one is higher than the other when not in balance. So setting this monthly aspirational task lists allows me to look at what we have going on as a family (swim meets, dance performances, visiting family) in relation to teaching gigs and deadlines. Then I can see what I can realistically fit in above and beyond them. 

This whole thing has been great for gaining perspective and managing expectations. I did not end the year upset that I didn't launch a new video course, for example, because I knew that there was no way I could have made the time to make it happen. No matter how much I wanted to. Oh, how I want to. I could have had my son skip ballet to do it. Or not get involved in the family business as needed to make it happen. But those other things were bigger priorities. Seeing my monthly lists in my planner, along with the family schedule keeps it all in perspective.

Another confession. I am feeling a lot of disdain for the quilt industry of late. Not for quilters or fabric or quilts or the sheer fun of making. But for the behind the scenes industry numbers game and operations, of the constant hustle. Those who play this game know what I am talking about. The regular consumer may even understand it too if you pay attention to launches of books, fabric, and patterns. If you don't need to know, then I recommend keeping it that way. But playing the game is exhausting, Sisyphean on a good day. 

When you combine my busy real life with this disdain, it only adds to the need for perspective. I won't lie, just a few years ago this probably would have made me angry, real angry. Ambition is strong here. The clarity of the last year is so liberating though. I am okay with things, really. Last year was probably my quietest year professionally. I loved every second of teaching, I pitched articles and met all my deadlines, and that was about it. No major projects, no secrets ready to come out. And no early, early mornings to get it all in. No stress related tantrums. No TV as babysitter so I can get it done. (No gym much either, but we can't win at everything.)

All of this to say, that these monthly ambitious task lists are da bomb! Put 6-10 things on the list. Include things you know you have to do - planned classes, deadlines, entries needed. And include things you want to do. Refer to it often. Very often. 

For example, here is my January 2018 List:

• Film and post a Shark Quilt Video
• Finish a baby quilt that has been basted for over a year
• Re-jig two quilt tops from the Quilts Under Construction pile
• Finish 2017 Accounting
• Write notes/outline for a new story I thought of over Christmas
• Finish Chapter 3 of my novel
• Send out 5 new Picture Book Queries

Ambitious yes, but totally doable with the time I have in between dance rehearsals, the gym, a synchro competition, a hockey tournament, time spent at 3 pools for the kids, making dinner and snacks, making love, and watching the new season of Workin' Moms. Early mornings, some late nights, stolen moments, and focused action. Let's do this!