"confessions"

Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt Update

Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt Cheryl Arkison

One month in.

I’ve never paid this much attention to my menstrual cycle. I’m finding it quite eye opening. Part of it is about deciphering whether a mood is as result of outside forces (life/Covid/work/parenting) or influenced by hormones and impacting my responses to those outside forces. Part of it is realizing how much my sleep, or lack thereof, is both impacted by perimenopause and impacts my moods. Frankly, it all has me appreciating just how much we women can get done with all this happening to our bodies.

Cheryl Arkison Mittelschmerz.jpg

The project itself involves 5-10 minutes of sewing at the end of the day. After the kids go to bed and before I sit down with my husband I stitch up the block. Pain? Mood? Any flow? What about all that other random stuff? Pain (associated with my cycle only, not my back pain) is a strike through the center of the vagina representation. The background is the mood. The center is about flow or not flow. Orange bits account for the night time stuff (sweats and dreams) or bowel, breast, or other things. In the first month I marked my Covid vaccine. In this second month I marked my restart of iron supplements for anemia. Each night I post the block and quick summary on my Instagram stories. #perimenipausechroniclequilt

I am wildly curious to see consistencies and changes over the year. Sure, I could use an app like my teenage daughter, but this visual representation is very appealing to me. Here is the legend I am using.

Only one person has criticized me for the project, for sharing too much information. While I get that - this is a lot for me to be sharing, I’m sure my teenage nephews that follow me love it - I really do believe that it is important to be open in this conversation. After I first announced the project I received so many positive emails from women of all ages. I really appreciate every comment, it adds to the conversation. If the emails and comments are any indication, we need to have more and more conversations.

Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt Cheryl Arkison

The Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt Begins

Perimenopause Chronical Quilt

I come from a family with scary uterine history. My grandmother died of cervical cancer in her 30s. My mom had a hysterectomy shortly after giving birth to me. That history also means I have zero recollection of any conversations about menopause within my family. Really though, the world just doesn’t talk it; it isn’t just a thing with my family. More specifically, the world does not talk about perimenopause.

A few weeks ago I had a long conversation with one of my girlfriends about this. Is it squeamishness? Denial? the perpetual sweeping under the rug of anything to do with women’s health? Now that we are in the thick of perimenopause it reminds of when I was pregnant and I kept asking: why didn’t anyone tell me about this? In both cases it might be that people did tell me but I wasn’t looking for/listening to the information before I needed it. Or, it is the reasons listed above? Regardless, I am interested in it a lot now, for obvious reasons - being a 45 year old woman, namely.

So, on our last Virtual Trunk Show (Instagram Live, the second Thursday of each month) we had the theme of Change of Seasons and it gave me a wonderful idea: make a quilt to mark the perimenopause experience! I got the idea from the concept of temperature quilts/blankets. You pick a colour to correspond with the temperature of the day and make a block or knit/crochet a row to mark it. Only I would be marking my flow, moods, pain, and other stuff of my perimenopausal menstrual cycle.

Aided by a few conversations with friends and online about what exactly I should track and in consultation with the Monster and The Evil Genius I planned out the quilt. Fabric selection was a bit tough. I went back and forth between solids and prints until I concluded that neither felt right. A quiet Sunday at home led me to experiment with hand-dyed fabric (with Procion MX dyes). It took a few tries but I am happy with the palette for this quilt.

Cheryl Arkison Perimenopause Chronicle Quilt

Each block will include a representation of my flow, or not flow, as well as my mood. I am also including a marker for pain and for what my teen referred to as Random Ass Shit like night sweats, bowel issues, breast tenderness, and bloating.

Here is the legend I am working with:

LEFT PILE
Orange = Random Ass Shit
Yellow = Pain (cramps and mittleschmerz mostly)
Pink/Peach = no flow
Pink Red = light flow
Red = medium flow
Purple Red = heavy flow

RIGHT PILE is for moods
Green = Happy
Turquoise = Content
Blue = Sad/Listless
Purple = Grumpy/Irritable/Annoyed
Black = Angry

My plan is to track things for 12 cycles. That adds up to more or less a year. Nothing is perfectly regular anymore so that is only a guess.

I know that this makes some feel uncomfortable. Oh well. We need more conversations on this topic and I am happy to open the door and make space for that. Yes, the quilt is a selfish reflection but it will serve as a larger conversation starter.

Expect the periodic post here and follow along on instagram with #perimenopausechroniclequilt.

Morning Make January 2021

January Morning Make 1.jpg

You know how people often start January with a Word of The Year? I admit that I’ve done it a few times. I also admit that I have forgotten my chosen word by March, every single year.

For Morning Make, then, I decided to think up a month’s worth or words to hammer home. All things I think are important for me to keep in mind. By drawing one our each day, doodling, really, I could spend some time to ruminate on the word for myself.

So that didn't really happen. I was doing these in the dark mornings on January in minimal light in the hopes the kids would stay asleep. I spent more time worried about font and lines and kerning and being unique each day than I did thinking about the word itself. Sigh.

January Morning Make 4.jpg

It turns out that my love of fonts and graphic design does not extend to the doing of it. I’ve read some stuff and enjoy looking at books and articles about font design and logos and all that stuff. While I never expected this to be easy nor for me to be any good at it as a beginner, I did not expect to dislike it. This was a slog, if I am being truly honest. I did not look forward to it each morning, I even felt stressed.

This is not the point of Morning Make!

Or so I thought. Truly, the point is to commit to the daily practice. The point is to experiment and play with something. Unless you try, you don’t know whether you will like it or not. The point is to show up and both challenge your creative juices and embrace the little tangents it wants to take you to.

It’s okay not to like it. I tell my quilt students that all the time. You don’t have to like what you made or event eh technique, but appreciate it all for the commitment to yourself and your play. This, this is the point of Morning Make.

January Morning Make 5.jpg

Since graphic design isn’t going to be a career choice for me (now I know!) it’s back to sewing for February.

Yes, There is Racism in Quilting

Stop the pearl clutching. Let go of your conventions.

Stop saying that politics has no place in quilting. It 100% does.

Stop thinking that white privilege is not a thing. It absolutely is.

Much is being said this week, much is going on this week. I feel like we are at a reckoning for civil action. People are FED UP with the systemic and blatant racism in policing, in society. Thousands and thousands are marching peacefully. Many are raging too. Quilting should be no different.

Like the White House was built by slaves, quilting was also built on the backs, the deaths, the enslavement of people. Cotton. Just think of cotton. Not a person among us should be free of the imagery, the reality, of a cotton plantation. White owners, black slaves. All for cotton. And what is it that is the mainstay of our industry? Cotton.

Of course I am not saying that current quilt shops, fabric companies, and designers are slave owners. But we must absolutely acknowledge that this industry arose as a direct result of slavery.

So, yeah, stop clutching your pearls.

When quilters want to use their skills and their creativity to make a statement with their quilts they are doing so with over a century of tradition behind them. Temperance quilts, church fundraisers, signature quilts all have something to say or show. Block designs acknowledge periods of history or events and we use them now not knowing. So many quilt blocks have Biblical inspirations, those are just as political as a modern interpretation of a raised fist. Quilters use quilts to raise their voices.

The people complaining that politics have no place in quilting are really saying that politics different than theirs don’t belong. It is about silencing a voice they disagree with. And more often than not it is about a white person silencing a voice that is coming from a person of colour or in support of. A perfect example of this is the quilt show reaction to the travelling exhibit Threads of Resistance.

So yeah, quilts always have, and always will be political.

My skin is white. That affords me a luxury of safety and comfort that many others do not have. I do not have to worry that I will be viewed as a thief in a store, just for being in the store. I don’t have to style my hair differently when shooting a class so that I look less ethnic. I am not questioned about whether I am in the right place, ever. All because my skin is white. If you need more explanation or white privilege and you haven’t been watching the news lately, this post is quite succinct. Here is a direct example from the quilt industry. Or take a look at the faculty of nearly every major show, and some of us may remember the defensiveness or organizations when it was pointed out. That is all white privilege.

Look at your book shelf of quilting books, or at the bins in your stash. How many of them were created by black quilters? I’m not saying that the companies are blatantly racist and excluding black designers. It is more that we are all conditioned to see white as better, myself included. I’ve benefited from that system, no doubt. That is white privilege. I had to sell myself, but I had a built in advantage. There are, you should know, a tonne of talented black quilters, designers, artists, and teachers including are Nicole Neblett, Chawne Kimber, and Carole Lyles Shaw. They deserve their spotlight too.

A few years back, it was either at Quilt Market or QuiltCon, a group of women came together to take a photograph. Their point was to show that they were all different people. It wasn’t a group of blonds or middle aged pattern designers, it was a group of black women. Ebony is not Latifah is not Rashida, yet people always want to mix them up. Why? Because they are all notable black quilters and seemingly people couldn’t tell them apart. Why? Because they likely weren’t seeing them as individual people, just ‘the black quilter’. People laughed at the stunt, but it was more telling of the industry than anything.

So yeah, white privilege exists and it is here in quilting.

There is no perfect way forward. And I know that people don’t want to hear that they are wrong or even get the hint that they are racist. Now is the time for all of us to look in the mirror, look at the words we say, and how we act towards all people. I am doing that, so should you.

Don’t be complacent, do the work.

Don’t expect others to educate you, educate yourself.

Don’t assume that you are without fault, we are all a product of history and a system.

I do sincerely hope that time is a reckoning. Here, as a quilter, I want to do the work to make those changes. So I will keep reading, writing, researching, making, listening, amplifying, and respecting. I encourage you to do the same.

As a start, I recommend the following:

The Social Justice Sewing Academy.

The work of both Carolyn Mazloomi and Faith Ringgold.

Checking out the collections of various museums like the Montgomery Museum of Fine Arts, National Museum of African American History and Culture, and the Berkley Art Museum. There is more to African American quilt traditions than Gees Bend.

Reading Empire of Cotton by Sven Beckert and How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi.