11 months

Just sitting in the airport, my kids at home. There is an ache in my breast that is more than my heart. Yesterday was the last day I nursed my baby boy, my little man.

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled to be headed to Austin. Hubby is by my side (wondering why I'm blogging on our layover). The kids are home with Baba in baking heaven. I get to wear necklaces again, like mine from here and here. And I'm going to QuiltCon. Hello!?

But I nursed my baby boy for the last time yesterday. We shared a fleeting moment in the pre-dawn light, our last gathering in the dark, skin to skin. I can't admit to loving nursing, but I have loved the relationship it builds. That I am so needed, that we have something no one else can lay claim to. But he's a mobile, curious creature now. He's got more important things to check out (like his sisters) and greater things to eat. 

Seriously greater things, he has well earned his nickname of The Garbage Truck.

So I kissed him softly in the middle of the night as we tiptoed out of the house on our way to airport. If you see me this weekend, hug me gently or just slap my butt, because there is an ache in my breast.

Ahhh...

There is that expression about not knowing what you've got until it's gone. Turns out I didn't know I needed a vacation until I had one.

Paper Chains

 As I was saying on the weekend, I am aiming simply these days. It is easy for me to not get caught up in the holiday hoopla, I'm rather good at ignoring a lot of things. Just like I ignore the dog hair dinosaurs on the floor and the sinks we're using as nightstands. That being said, I still want to give the kids something special about the holiday and enjoy my own traditions, the ones I actually enjoy.

The highlight for me is always chopping down our tree. A drive to the mountains, a stomp through the forest, snacks by the bonfire afterwards. It is one of the Christmas preps we do together as a family and I will defend this tradition to my death.

But then I have to decorate the tree. That, I could do without. Thankfully the girls are old enough now to be decent at hanging ornaments and actually get excited by it.

I did something different this year though. I've come to the realization that when it comes to creativity my girls are like me, process oriented. They don't care so much for the final product as the act of creating. I milked that predilection to create decorations this year, instead of pulling out our mishmash of vintage and collected.

We spent an hour making paper chains from leftover scrapbooking paper (but any construction paper would do too). I listened to them sing this as they held each and every link to dry:

A B C D E F G
Gummy bears are good for me.
One is red, one is blue.
One is nipping at my shoe.
Now I'm running for my life.
Because the red one has a knife.

Yup, super Christmasy in this house.

The paper chains are on the tree, accompanied by snowflakes lovingly made after dinner the other night as we drank wine with friends. Just a little bit of tinsel and our tree is done. It is pretty and simple and soft and I love it. Done.

The Creative Family (Weekend Reads)

The detritus of a Sunday morning. Paper snowflakes, tea, books for Mama and The Monster, plus a few random toys.

We no longer have a TV upstairs (saving the giant creature for the new basement). This means are mornings are quieter and more creative. I LOVE it. Friends thought I'd miss it but it is one of the best things ever. We've all simplified and slowed down a little. Mornings aren't so frantic and noisy. The kids don't think of TV all the time, and we're creating together just a little bit more.

This morning I pulled out The Creative Family to read with my tea. I come back to this book all the time. Written by the popular Amanda Blake Soule of Soule Mama, it a book all about slowing down, creating, and celebrating family. Since I was feeling grinchy and frustrated by this year's holiday season I sought out her gentle advice.

Now, I'm never going to move my family to a farm and despite my domesticity I will likely never be considered even an urban homesteader, but I love visiting with Amanda through her books and blog to remind me that my way is not the only way to be. I don't have to get caught up in crap, in the pursuit of perfection, in material thoughts. She radiates beauty and creativity and nurturing. I'm all city! Colour! Shouting! Maniac! Going to her spaces that she shares encourages and reminds me that I don't have to get caught up in the energy.

The Creative Family is a resource for me for activities and attitude to slow down and celebrate the simple for at least a moment. I get tonnes of ideas for presents (homemade cards!), for family activities like drawing nights, and an attitude adjustment. It isn't the prettiest of books inside, despite Amanda's photography skills, but it still works. The pursuit of the creative and the calm simplicity comes through.

And so, today, this weekend, when I think of children lost and families broken I am encouraged by the simple, by the rituals of my own family, by tokens for Christmas and holding my littles near.